It is still dark.
As I dig deeper into my covers, I feel a small hand on my back. Soft, slow tickles up and down my shoulder blades.
I love being a mom.
He must have snuck into my bed sometime in the night. How can I resist waking up to tickles from a four year old.
I roll over.
He kisses my nose and the day starts...
This is one of my favorite memories.
My husband travels a lot. More lately than I am comfortable with. This has been one of my trials...to stay positive and pleasant when I am doing it on my own. What a hard lot in life it would be to be a single mother.
I have four kids. My oldest is six, the youngest is one. As weeks pass without relief or help, I can feel the burden growing.
Motherhood seems hard, daunting, heavy.
Recently, this is how I felt . I ached to feel the joy and the passion of being a mom again. My thoughts were filled with guilt. Once the night came, and my four little ones were tucked soundly in bed, I would miss them.
Regret.
Failure.
Why had I wished the day away.
They were growing so fast.
My prized possessions.
So sweet while they were sleeping.
I would vow to be better the next day.
Again the sun would come up.
As the tasks of the day began, and brought with them fighting and other trials, I would remember those peaceful moments at night. I could close my eyes and see them sleeping again.
Sweet faces.
Quiet breathing.
My tired heart would then be renewed with love and patience for them, just from one little memory...
A small hand tucked inside mine.
The way their faces look with watermelon juice dripping from their chins.
The first laugh...a sound remembered from heaven.
Her breath against my cheek.
Three hands clinging onto my skirt as we cross the street.
A small chest rising and falling against mine.
How he looks at me.
Finding my bed made by little hands.
Feeling tickles on my arm, and realizing she is doing it to calm me in a troubled moment.
I have been practicing this over and over again. Pulling from my reserve of favorite memories. It is working.
Heart changing.
Love filling.
Patience growing.
I love being a mom.
15 comments:
Great words. Love that first photo!
My thoughts exactly, and I have only one with a husband home every night! Your kids are beautiful and your photography is insane! When I see that you update your blog I get so excited to read :)
Fantastic! You put it beautifully and your photography really is wonderful!
that was me, kiersten- I'm signed into matt's work email!
Beautiful. You are not alone.
This is great! I understand those feeling completely and have them alot when Ben is traveling so I will have to remember this as well. Thank you
Beautiful, thank you for your wonderful words. This gives me something to work for.
Cute..you have a way with words!
Oh your kids are beautiful, what great pictures. You are a great mom!
Marci you inspire me everyday with your strength. I am so glad I have you blog to lift me up; even when you are feeling not so strong. I admire you and think you are a wonderful mom. I totally agree witht the whole single mom thing!
You are so amazing!! Such an awesome post to remind us that being a mom can be so stressful, but it is the most amazing moment of our life. Sometimes I get so caught up in the stress of the day. Each night, when my kids are asleep, I'll check and stare at them for a moment. It truly reminds me of why I had these amazing kids. I always promise myself that I'll be a better mom tomorrow. Then the day starts again, and the stresses get in the way. I need to, like you, remember those precious sleeping moments and how amazing being a mother really is.
I love reading your posts Marci! Your pictures are inspiring! I wish you were here to teach me! Miss you!
Marci, that was a beautiful post! Such great photos too!!
Thanks for your words. I'll have to come back and read this every once in a while to keep me on the right track.
You are so good at capturing moments with your photography. I wish it was a skill I had! Your blog is as fun to look at as it is to read.
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