Grateful for you

I realized after Chad read that post that it was too sad. It made him sad. I can tell it is hard for him to see me this way. I will still miss, but I will fill most of my heart with the good. With you! Thank you Friends for the comments.

They did indeed fill my heart. It is now overflowing. Flowing with gratefulness. Grateful for you. Grateful for our connection. Still strong. So far away. So close. I can feel it.

And then there is Chad. A concerned, loving husband. Letting me sleep in 10 extra minutes. Walking down stairs to find a sweapt floor. A compliment...a soft touch. No complaints. Just his smile. Hugs. More compliments. My heart is filled with more.

A small boy against my back...arms squeeze my neck. Savannah's breath against my skin. She smells so good. I take a deep breath of her. Kisses from my boys in the morning. Eyes that squint from smiling...just a sliver of blue. Giggles from my worried child. She smiles more often now. I am grateful for that. Grateful I am a mom.

My new house. Bigger. A guest room...waiting to be filled. There is room for us to run now. Very grateful. Visitors coming this week. I am smiling now!

I am grateful for my calling. Eleven 12 year olds. I get to study the prophets every week. It helps me stay focused on what is important. They are such good kids. My new ward. Sweet girls...new smiles...new friends...new memories to make. An invite to lunch. A phone call. Some peace. More grateful.

Notes from you. Cell phones. More calls. Letters. Thank you for not forgetting about me. Thank you for your prayers for my family. I love you.

Virginia! Wow, the history. Beautiful land. Mysterious...intriguing. I love that there is so much to see. So much to do. Places to explore. Things to learn. Treasures to find. New! Another smile on my face.

Health. We are all healthy now. The first time since we moved here. No runny noses. Just happy kids. My insides feel brighter! I am grateful to have a strong body again.

My morning call from my Mom. Just two minutes. A pep talk. Just enough to put a smile on my face. Reminds me of my old home. Reminds me to make the best of the new. "Be strong for your kids". So grateful for her advice. So grateful...so full now!! I will still miss. I can still feel it inside my chest. Mostly I feel gratitude though...showing through my smile that just grew! I hear it gets better. I know that is true. Thanks again for loving me! I am blessed...and grateful.

Missing

I have a missing heart. Today I am missing all of you. I miss my Dad...it's his birthday. I miss my Mom, Sister, Brother. Mom and Dad Green. I miss all of my brothers and sister in laws. Jackson said yesterday "I want to go to aunt Cristi's house". I am missing family. Sunday dinner. Missing Favorite Uncles, and Favorite Aunts. Cousins. Late night rendezvous in the driveway with old neighbors. Tight hugs. Familiar faces at the store. Waves as cars pass. Old routines. Smiles from Friends...FRIENDS! Oh I miss my friends. All of you. Missing the early morning trip to the gym with my girls! Missing my ward...hugs...smiles. Mint Milanos at the beach. Girls night out. Treats from amazing cooks. Cupcakes. Unexpected visitors. Friends who stay over all day.

Hold on while I wipe my eyes.

Sitting in the drive way while we watch the kids go wild. A familiar house. A familiar street. The mountains. Babysitters across the street. People who know my heart and soul. Missing meeting a certain friend in the street after the first snow fall to slide. The view out my big front window...a comforting view of a friend. Miss running the streets of canyon rim while we talk. Another pair of hands to clear the table after lunch. I miss for it...I ache for it.

A quick wave as we pass in the street. Missing help with laundry. A surprise dinner left on my door step. A mouth full of mashed bananas. Swinging on the swing in the back yard. Meeting at the park. Escaping to Park City. Ice cream fights in the car. Missing you.

A shoulder to cry on. A super heroine to save me in a desperate time. My mom. My Friends. My Neighbors. Chatting in the school parking lot. Our Doctor. Quick trips to swim laps. Warped floors and warped doors. Cooking together every Thursday night. Visiting. Laughing. Crying.

I want you all to know how much you mean to me. I miss sharing these things with you. Thank you for giving me such a full life. I know this is where I need to be, but I still miss. Today I am missing you. Tomorrow I will focus on being grateful, but today I will let my heart miss.

I love you!!

how they looked at me today

I am grateful for my camera! My dad gave me his old camera this Christmas. I love it! I just feel this urgency to document life....it is going by way too fast!



My favorite kind of picture is the one that captures how my kids look at me most often. This is what I want to remember.

Box on the porch

Lambie Cake

Here are just a few pictures that we have taken so far today of Savannah's birthday. My Internet is being weird, so this is all I am going to do today!

Happy birthday Savannah!

Just a little note, we have a tradition of giving the birthday baby a lambie cake for their disposal!

"Bottom hair"

I laugh out loud every time I think about this little conversation Jackson had with his Grandpa when he was here a week ago. It went like this...

J: "Grandpa, you have no top hair?"

G: "nope"

J: "You only have bottom hair?"

J: "Grandpa, you have big tummy? Can I touch your tummy?"

We teased Grandpa all day about his "bottom hair"!

Dad, you are so wonderful. We are all missing your "big tummy" and your "bottom hair". I am sure needing one of those hugs from you right now. We love you so much, and we miss you more that we can express.

Manassas

Wow!!! What an amazing piece of history! We went to this battle field for the second time this week and we have barely touched on this horrible but so incredible part of the American Civil War. I am going to have to revisit this place.



On this land, 5,000 soldiers died in the first battle and 2,500 in a second battle, fought 13 months later.



This house was actually destroyed. From what I understand, there was only one civilian casuality in the whole 4 years of the war, and it took place in this house. It was an older woman who refused to leave her house when she heard the armies marching toward her. The two sides collided right in her front yard. One of her slaves was hit with a bullet, but she survived. Another slave hid in the fireplace, and spent the rest of her life deaf. The family returned after the battle to find their house in ruins and their elderly mother dead on her bed. Sad. The confederates actually stripped the house later, I am not sure why. All that was left was the foundation and the stone fireplace. The house was rebuilt.



The land was just breathtaking. It was hard to imagine that the bloodiest battle in American history took place on this very spot.



This is where Stone Wall Jackson emerged from the trees. His men had almost lost hope, when he entered the field sitting tall and sure on his horse. It was here that he was given the name of "Stone Wall Jackson", and the confederates ended up winning this battle, even though they lost the war.



The museum on the property also had some really interesting things. There were swords and bullets that were found at the site, along with many other things. One thing that left an impression on me was the coat of a 17 year old boy that was shot in the shoulder minutes into the battle. On his coat you could see the hole from the fatal shot. I read about how the men and boys were very optimistic about war...their daydreams were shattered quickly when reality set in.

I am glad we could see these lands for the beauty they hold, and not the death they were once blanketed with.